Scottsdale, AZ – Surrounded by her would-be campaign staff and tens of supporters at her Scottsdale, AZ super-secret headquarters, Sarah Palin was in good spirits today, celebrating the 4th of July weekend and the, “hundred-and-something’th anniversary of the glorious defeat of the British by the Holy Trinity of George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Jesus.”
Although she has yet to officially declare her candidacy, many have speculated that Palin’s recent arrival in Arizona is the first step in establishing a presence among the State’s strong contingent of Tea Baggers, and an eventual declaration for the 2012 Presidential race.
Palin has recently received criticism from the heathen Liberal media for some factually dubious references to events leading up to the War of Creation commonly referred to by overpaid Teacher’s Union Socialists as the “Revolutionary War.” In a heartfelt and appropriately tear-laden speech to her supporters, Palin shared some thoughts on the matter.
“Well, I just don’t know what the big ‘ol deal is. Since when did facts really matter? So what if Paul Revere wasn’t really on the side of the British?! I mean, gosh, it’s not like it makes any difference! Did Benedict Arnold care about facts when he crossed that river in that boat when it was really cold just to cook his favorite eggs for General Washington? Did Ronald Reagan worry about facts when he freed the slaves? Did George W. Bush worry about facts when he led his troops into battle against Barack Hussein during the 10th Crusade? No, I don’t think so. Men of action have no use for details. They leave that stuff to those wussy Liberal book-learners. Amiright?! You betcha! Let’s all celebrate this weekend with a great big ‘ol-fashioned book fire and cook up some juicy all-American wieners!”
I, for one, have to agree with her. I’m so sick of all these elitist fact-checkers on the left always blabbering on about how the US is getting dumber and stuff. Whatever. America wasn’t made for snobs like them, anyway. Our forefathers didn’t kill all those Nazis and Mexicans just to get made fun of by the nerdy kids. There’s only one book in my library, and that’s the Bible.The only fact I care about is that Jesus is gonna come back and kick these hippie teachers in the nuts one of these days, and you can bet your sweet little Cub Scout ass that I’m gonna be there on that day with my pistol in one hand, and a star-spangled boner in the other. Happy birthday, America!
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