Tonight I’m going to introduce a new bit to my OK Cupid series. Rather than post my successes, I thought it would be more fun to post my failures. Deliberate failures, that is. Trying to sound impressive and likable is just so boring. So instead, I tend to just write whatever random thing occurs to me, and then try to guess the relative chances of ever getting a response. I usually only do this to people with whom I’ve just started chatting, or brand-new people who aren’t yet aware of me.
Episode 1: Cat Fishing
Sep 29, 2011 – 5:05pm
So other than a large ego and well written self summary…what other things are you into? Hope you had a good day
Sep 29, 2011 – 5:45pm
Oh, the usual…sponge baths, foot massages, deep-water cat fishing…
I also enjoy giving Happy Meals to fat kids. As a comedy enthusiast, I think it’s important to nurture future generations of comics, especially fat ones, because they always die so fast. I am of the belief that misery is the best fuel for comedy, so keeping these kids fat will help them develop a deep sense of alienation and self-loathing that will, if they’re lucky like me, help them develop a caustic wit and lovable sad-clown comedic talent. You could say I’m kind of a joke-farmer, planting seeds today for tomorrow’s Chris Farley. We all need to laugh, don’t we? So, you see, it’s really rather beneficent of me to encourage childhood obesity. I’m like the Batman of humanitarians…always doing my good deeds from outside of the boundaries of everyday society. Plus it’s fun to make them do the Truffle-Shuffle in front of the other kids. I always get a real solid laugh out of that.