This is what happens when you ask me for a recommendation on LinkedIn:
“There’s nothing worse than having some deadbeat clown flake on paying you what’s owed, especially when your old-school mob tactics have become so frowned upon by law enforcement, sensitive girlfriends, and society as a whole. Gone are the salad days of broken kneecaps, burned-up kitchens, and cozy snuggles with the heads of prized horses. Basically, you’re limited to making a lot of offers that people CAN refuse. It’s so frustrating. That’s what made working with Chelsea at Rainier Collections such a welcome relief. She was just a real go-getter who didn’t take no guff from nobody. It didn’t matter who they were- degenerate gamblers, unemployed single mothers, or sweet little old grannies, Chelsea wasn’t afraid to grab them by the throats (figuratively, of course) and shake them down for every last penny. I loved it. I got my money, and my wardrobe ended up with a lot less blood on it.”
unfortunately, it turned out that wasn’t the job she wanted me to talk about. So I wrote a follow-up, more directly related to her current capacity as a recruiter.
“Having encountered Chelsea before, when she worked for a collections agency, I knew I could count on her when I found myself suddenly looking for a new job. On the advice of my mother (and legal counsel), I don’t want to go into too many details, but let’s just say that my former boss didn’t appreciate the liberties I took with his private bathroom and booze collection. And car. And company credit card. And…I mean…no. I’ve already said too much. Besides, it’s hardly relevant to this review.
So anyway, Chelsea is great. A true treasure to work with. She’s bubbly and vibrant and really knows how to take the stress out of the job search. At first, I was having panic attacks about every 3-5 minutes, or so. She helped put me at ease right away. Her obvious enthusiasm for both her work and her clients (which are really one and the same) is evident in all she does.
Let’s see…need to check the notes she sent me…hang on…
Oh yeah, Chelsea really enjoys picturing her clients as small cats. No wait. She likes to herd them like cats. I don’t know. That part is confusing. Moving on…
But seriously, Chelsea is great at what she does, and I’ve genuinely enjoyed working with her. So much so, that finding a new job felt like kind of a letdown, because it meant that I didn’t get to talk to her as much. However, given my almost clinical inability to play by the rules of the modern office environment, it is really only a matter of time before I seek her out again, to help me find yet another gig.”