Here’s the next in line for the classic Republican cliche of being an outspoken homophobe who secretly loves the D.
Mark my words – it is simply a matter of time before this guy gets caught with a male intern or well-hung prostitute or a gaggle of little people dressed as hobbits dancing naked around him chanting about how his cock ring rules them all. It’s almost a universal truth that those who scream the loudest have the most to hide. Few have tried harder to bring shame and degradation upon the homosexual community, than this guy. He as a 0% rating from the Human Rights Campaign. ZERO. To put that in perspective, AIDS has a 10% rating.
You’d have to be blind not to see that he has to be hiding something. Also, his hair is maybe a tad too perfect. What amuses me most is that he thinks we don’t all see right through him. What saddens me is that I genuinely pity him, in a way. I can’t help it, but I’m a decent human being who respects and cares for my fellow man, and I definitely love me some gays. And clearly this frightened little homophobe is suffering from severe repression and probably all sorts of related side effects. Not that that justifies his being a loathsome douche-canoe of epic proportions, but still. I just want to take him to a big gay West Hollywood party, serve up a smorgasbord of dongs and man-butts and say, “Hey there little fella. Go ahead, have a ball. Hell, have two!* Knock yourself out. Just be gay. Have fun. Life is for the living. You’ve been lied to for too long. Let go and let gay. You’re gonna be OK.” And then he, the LGBTQ community, and the world at large would suddenly become so much brighter and happier. You might even say gayer. And also he and Trump would get eaten alive by their own base and annihilated in the election.
Find out more about what a backwoods homophobic religious extremist Mike Pence is, and how he wants to make life harder for the LGBT community, at the politically-neutral and thoroughly cited On The Issues website.