My self-summary If you’re looking for a guy who sits at home, alone, on a Saturday night, drinking bourbon and watching a marathon of Sex and the City, this is your lucky day. Call your mom and tell her the good news. It’s cool. I’ll wait. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. What’s […]
I’m super hot shit on OK Cupid this week, for some reason. As always, I’m taking it very seriously. Here’s an exchange with a complete stranger from this afternoon: Her: “You seem batshit crazy… Are you as entertaining as you seem?” Me: “No. I’m an insufferable dullard. I’m also pretty racially intolerant. I’m not totally averse […]
Flying in the face of conventional wisdom, my popularity on OK Cupid has continued to grow, especially since my recent relocation to sunny Portland, Oregon. Evidently, there is no shortage of desperate, needy women with appallingly dismal self-esteem levels. Good for me, I guess. So, in an effort to round out my online profile, I’ve […]
Tonight I’m going to introduce a new bit to my OK Cupid series. Rather than post my successes, I thought it would be more fun to post my failures. Deliberate failures, that is. Trying to sound impressive and likable is just so boring. So instead, I tend to just write whatever random thing occurs to […]
As an arrogant blowhard, I am loathe to share the spotlight. However, I thought it might be fun to showcase the rather hilarious and impressive work of a friend who has greatly inspired my writing. It was this OK Cupid character that originally propelled me to create my own, now famous (infamous?) and globally adored, profile. Once again, I tip my hat to you, my anonymous friend, for painting such a vile, arrogant and hilariously un-datable digital self-portrait.
And yes, before you ask…he gets a lot of ass from this.